User visit: Guppy Sandhu

[a1enzo]

Enzo ushers Guppy into an upstairs room containing a massive bank of hardware, including lasers, monitors, and Big Red Buttons.

"Here it is. The digitizer." Beat. "And matterizer. And some other things. Maybe it needs a better name."

Comments

[guppy_sandhu]

"The... big machine with shiny things?" Guppy suggests, peering at it.

[a1enzo]

"Nah, something snappier. Anyway, you stand there." There's a spot on the floor marked with tape, in front of a white panel against the wall. Near it, but out of the way, is a white wheeled pedestal, for digitizing small objects.

[guppy_sandhu]

Guppy does so.

As Enzo does his stuff, he finds himself in a room with nothing but a big red button. Looks like that's the one he has to press...

He's feeling a little... blobbier than usual.

[a1enzo]

Enzo tries to suppress a grin as Guppy vanishes from the screen and reappears in front of him, in sprite form. "How do you feel?"

[guppy_sandhu]

"I don't know. Does my butt look big in this?"

[a1enzo]

Now he has to suppress a snicker. "No, no, you look fine!"

Mostly, his butt looks... undifferentiated.

[guppy_sandhu]

"I guess it's time I learned what life looks like from being this short." Guppy muses, carefully testing his legs out. It wouldn't do to fall over like this, he'd roll like a bowling ball.

[a1enzo]

The most difficult part to get used to in that regard will probably be the lack of toes. And fingers. Binomes do manage just fine, though, don't ask the mun how.

"I'll spot you on the stairs," Enzo offers, leading the way back out.

He stops in the doorway. "Digimat!" he exclaims.

[guppy_sandhu]

Guppy follows Enzo... hm, yes, these stairs are a bit tricky.

He sort of bounces down the first few.

[a1enzo]

That's... not uncommon among 0s, alas. Enzo catches him before he can tumble.

[guppy_sandhu]

Guppy catches holds of Enzo.

"Thanks, that was a bit close."

[a1enzo]

"You'll get used to it. And there aren't as many stairs at home."

They approach the Door. "You ready?"

[guppy_sandhu]

"I think so." Guppy says.

Enzo'll get him back safe... hopefully...

[a1enzo]

A rounded, single-seater pod hovers high above the heads of the milling crowd of cadets, faculty, and staff outside Yori Hall. Inside the pod, Enzo's old roommate, Hugh, receives a signal and flicks his switches. Coloured lights beam onto the stage as the student band known as Short Bus starts to play.

"Your love is like bad medicine
Bad medicine is what I need (who-o-oa)
Shake it up just like bad medicine
There ain't no doctor that can cure my disease"

Value, the bassist, steps forward as they continue to vamp. "Ladieeeees and gentlemen," she announces, milking it for all it's worth. "Preeeeesenting, for your entertainment and education, downloaded all the way from Userspace, the one, the only, Doctor Gurpreet Sandhuuuuuuu!"

Coloured sparks fountain up from the corners of the stage as a giant window pops up as a backdrop, showing a photo of Guppy in his natural form. There's enough space below it for a binome to walk underneath.

[guppy_sandhu]

Okay, this is mildly embarrassing, but Guppy walks forward, tries to smile and wave.

"Hello..." Shit, is it 'cyberspace'? The web?

"Everyone!"

[a1enzo]

"Bad medicine," the band members chant in an undertone. You know, just to emphasize the embarrassment.

Enzo takes his turn at the mike. Speaking far more normally, he says, "Guppy is a diagnostic program—except that he's not really a program, of course—so any questions you've got about User bodies, he's the guy to ask. First, though, Guppy, you wanna tell them a little about yourself?"

With that, the music and the majority of the stage effects wind down.

[guppy_sandhu]

"Um, okay." Guppy takes the mike.

"I'm thirty one years old. I have a wife and two kids at home, in Holby. I work with old people who have been ill, helping them to be able to care for themselves more again."

[a1enzo]

"Thirty-one is like 110," Enzo puts in for those who can't remember or never heard the conversion system. "Anything else?"

[guppy_sandhu]

"Er, I'm normally taller, less spherical..." Guppy flails a bit. "I don't really know where to start, does anyone have an initial question?"

[a1enzo]

"What's Holby?" calls someone.

[guppy_sandhu]

"Holby is a city, where I live." Guppy says.

[a1enzo]

"Can you really just walk from it to other cities?" shouts another voice.

[guppy_sandhu]

"Er... theoretically yes, but it would take a long time. We mostly use cars and trains."

[a1enzo]

"With wheels?"

They know this perfectly well by now, but it still seems bizarre.

[guppy_sandhu]

"Er, yes, with wheels." Guppy says. "Along the ground. We have aeroplanes as well, but they're for bigger distances."